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So, this may be in incredibly poor taste, but Mr. P has never been known for his ultra refinement.
Besides, for some pathetic reason, he needs to do this out of some sort of warped (I canna 'old 'er
any longer Cap'n, she's breaking up!) sense of closure...
Yeah right, so i'm sitting at my desk in the heart of the USPS conglomerate dodging tiles which
are falling out of the ceiling and they're falling because they're stuck on with the same glue they
use on stamps when i notice that it's 9 am and oh yeah, i need to pop out to Fairfax for an hour to
get divorce around 10 o'clock and just as i'm taking the 123 South exit off of 66 i'm rudely and
wetly hit in the face with the realization that i told my soon-to-be-ex AND my witness for the
plaintiff to take the 123 NORTH exit and holy dog doo what the tarnation am i going to do now?
Well, first i freaked and then after that proceeded to the court house and where i would normally
park in the garage i grabbed the first free space i saw ran into the courthouse, flew into the law
library, got a copy of questions for the witness(oh, yeah, forgot to mention i'd be representing my
self) and flew back to the elevators so i could get back in the car and got sit on the 66 exit ramp
and hope i could intercept my wayward friends only before i could get into the elevator i heard my
name and it the witness for the plaintiff, who had figured out my directions were useless and thank
god my friends are smarter than me so i had to get in the elevator (which are ungodly slow, so i
asked a FFX Co. employee where the stairs were. Here is the actual conversation:
me: Are there any stairs around here I can use?
FFX Co. Employee: There aren't any.
me: So if there's a fire, then we all die?
FFX Co. Employee: That's right.)
to go back to my car and get the rest of the paperwork, only when i got in the elevator, there was
soon to be ex and the witness for the defendant so everything was peachy until i realized that
while i had remembered to take my coat when i left work i had forgotten to take my suit jacket,
and now i would have to go before the judge jacketless and he would say i was in contempt and
disrespectful and my mother wears combat boots and throw me in the brig. Only none of that
happened, he was a really nice guy, and because Fairfax County (yes, THAT Fairfax County) has
this inexplicably (for them) efficient divorce procedure called Ore Tenus, the whole thing (after
listening to 12 other cases first and they were NOT in alphabetical order so i never knew when i
was going to get called and my stomach was grumbling from nerves loud enough for the whole
bleedin' courtroom to hear AND start a baby crying) was over in five minutes and yippee i'll save
a ton on taxes this year. Boy, aren't i romantic and no, there will be no question of the week.
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